Living in Diaspora
- hoopaa
- Aug 21
- 3 min read
I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawai’i. Growing up I never wanted to leave my ‘āina, my ‘ohana, everything I knew. While some may have felt island fever or wanted to explore what the continent had to offer, I loved my home and never felt the desire to leave.
In a turn of events, when it came time to continue my education, my pursuit brought me to the continent. I promised myself that after I graduated, I would return; that I would be back. Like many, when it was time to look for work the opportunities were few and far between. I could have just returned home with no work lined up and kept looking when I got back; I could have decided to continue on to graduate school. Neither of these options were viable at the time so I started looking for work in the area where I went to school, Los Angeles. Let me just note that I obtained my undergraduate degree (and later my Masters Degree) in International Relations. I wanted to work in public service, specifically government. As I looked for work back home, I just couldn’t find anything in public service. I did have an opportunity to work for then Congresswoman Patsy Mink, but in her D.C. office.
According to the Office of Hawaiian Affairs and the United States Census, “in 2020, 47 percent of Native Hawaiians lived in Hawaiʻi, while 53 percent resided on the continent, contrasting with 2010 when 55 percent lived in Hawaiʻi and 45 percent in other states.” (https://www.oha.org/news/new-census-data-more-native-hawaiians-reside-continent/)
There began my journey of living in diaspora. The adjustment living on the continent when I was in school was tough. I had never been away from home (I traveled but hadn’t been away to move) and there were definitely customs that I had to realize were “Hawai’i” things. In fact, I still realize the things that are Hawai’i things (certain sayings, certain things I do or don’t do). But entering the workforce in diaspora was a different experience.
Adjusting and feeling the need to adjust to belong. I realize that in some ways we all do this whether in diaspora or not. But, I adjusted how I spoke so that I could be understood, how I interacted with others (because showing too much aloha could be perceived the wrong way) and tried to live the glamorized Los Angeles life.
The most difficult part of living in diaspora is each time I returned home there was a sad sense that it wasn’t the same place I left. More buildings, more people being priced out of paradise, more malihini from the continent moving to Hawai’i while those who grew up there moved away. Still today, the homesickness I feel is not just about wanting to go home to my O’ahu, but I want to go “home” to the place and space I grew up in. I have learned that those of us in diaspora become homesick for a time and space that no longer exists; we then do everything we can to make the life we can where we are. Personally, there are many times I feel stuck – the O’ahu/home I knew isn’t quite the same but I also sometimes feel that I don’t quite completely fit here on the continent either. This is a challenge for us. The longer we are away, the harder it is to either go back to visit or consider moving back home. For those I know who had the unicorn opportunity to move back home, they had to readjust to living back home and being back home. We get told by family or friends – oh you lost your accent; or experience people on the continent telling you that you have an accent. (True story, I never knew I had an accent until a professor told me I did)
For those of us who remain on the continent we grasp what we can to connect to our home – cultural events, concerts or even finding home within a hālau. Living in diaspora can be difficult, accepting that we don’t live at home anymore and adjusting to a society that is different from the one we grew up in.
What is harder for me is to think that I have lived in diaspora longer than I lived at home. I question whether my thinking is now different because I have lived here so long? I question where do I actually fit in – back home, here on the continent? I have thus had to be more content with who I know I am and how I was raised. I have had to focus on building a life I want to live whether it be here on the continent or back home.
Comments